When Isaac was admitted to the NICU at the hospital in a neighboring city, we didn’t know how long he would be there. I wasn’t breastfeeding because he didn’t have the stamina for bottle or breast. I was pumping and he was fed through a tube. I felt that I needed to be with him. My husband came up every evening to be with me, our other two (then 2 1/2yrs and 4yrs), moved in with my parents. It was a hard decision, I was torn. I cried a lot. I felt guilty about my choice. But I felt it was the right one.
The social worker there wanted me to go home to my other two children. She told me that what was “normal” in the NICU for extended stay patients was that their parents came once a day or a few times a week to visit their baby. Every time I spoke with this social worker, I was flooded with even more guilt than I already had. That I was choosing our newborn baby over the two young children at home who were {according to her} acutely aware of my absence was the wrong choice in her opinion.
But the parable of the Lost Sheep comes to mind {Luke 15:4-7}. My two tots were having a blast at my parents. It was summer, their cousins were at my parents every day and they were all enjoying the in-ground pool. I talked to my tots several times on the phone over the 6 weeks we were gone. They missed mommy and baby Isaac but they understood and they were busy having fun. I saw them a few times when they came to the city that we were in for a picnic with mommy at the park. When they went home and I went back to my small room at the hospital I cried. I was lonely. I wanted to be at home with my family. But I couldn’t leave my baby.
{Fast Forward 8 Months}
Those 6 weeks are but a distant memory. Those 6 weeks are such a small time period in the grand scheme of things. The tots remember their “long sleepover” but not in a negative way. I am so thankful for the decision we made and stuck with, despite opposition.
The decision that we made was what we felt was right and though I had guilt at the time, I have no regrets now. But I can tell you that had I went the other way, I would have regretted it forever.
This year, I am going to allow myself the peace to make the right decision for our family. Far too often we, in general, are made to feel guilty about a decision that we have made for our family.
Whether it is home school, public or private school, to work or stay at home or any other controversial issue, let’s be guilt free this year as we make the best decisions for our family!
